When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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