NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
