I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
