I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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