Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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