This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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