How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
