Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A bitchslap is in order.
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