so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
