you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
how does that bad decision feel?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
