Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
