onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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