it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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