I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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