I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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