I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
