I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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