I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
