Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
