I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
