good thing vaginas are great cup holders
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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