i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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