If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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