yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
