she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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