I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
