I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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