it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
