so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
