eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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