oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
