I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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