I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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