Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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