well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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