OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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