I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
