i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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