i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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