I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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