hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
