At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I lost the right to judge tonight
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
