Fuck appropriateness.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What a dumb baby whore.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
