when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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