i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
