he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We have started to decorate penises.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
