Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
