I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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