Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
