O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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