I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
