Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When are your genitals available?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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