I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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