Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
