It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
