when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
