Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
