so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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