He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
