Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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