I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
