fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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