When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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