I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
tell your sister to shave her snatch
4 words: hood of his car
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
