he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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