i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
