About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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